


Journal Entries to Harry- December 25th

by JaysRubberDuck



Series: Journal Entries to Harry [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Children, Christmas, Diary/Journal, M/M, Past Character Death, letters to the dead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-07
Updated: 2014-04-07
Packaged: 2018-01-18 11:36:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1427023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaysRubberDuck/pseuds/JaysRubberDuck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With Harry killed by a drunk driver, Draco and their children write messages to him in a journal to help them try to move on. These are the messages from the first Christmas they have without him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Journal Entries to Harry- December 25th

December 25th 2012,

Today is officially the first Christmas without you. I thought I would be crying already. Granted I have only been awake for a few minutes. I just can’t believe it has been a year already. 

I have to get up soon. I have to make breakfast for our kids. It will be a hard day for everyone. I have to be strong for them. You wouldn’t have wanted us to be sad on this day of all days. It was your favorite time of the year. You always got so excited. When I asked you about it once you just mumbled something about your past and changed the subject.  
I tried to get you to tell me about your past. I like to believe I knew most of it, but that would be a lie. I can say with a certainty that I do know more than anyone else. Not even your best friends know everything. 

I wish I was alone and didn’t have to go pretend. It would be so much easier if I was just allowed to stay in bed all day and try to forget about everything. But I wouldn’t change having these kids for anything in the world. They may not be ours biologically but they could not be any more perfect in my eyes.  
Speak of the little demons here they come now. Until later….

Alright we got through stockings and breakfast without any tears. They are happy with their gifts from Santa. They are in fact playing with them now. Sammy got a train set and Theo got the potions set he has wanted for a few years now. 

It’s so hard without you here. You would be in the room with them helping Sam while I helped keep Theo’s mind on the instructions. Sometimes he amazes me with how much of a mixture he is between us. If I didn’t know better I wouldn’t believe that he is adopted. 

I wish you were here. I can’t do it anymore. It is so hard to be happy today. Why did that bastard have to be out on the roads? Why couldn’t he just stay at whatever bar or hole he was at? Why did you decide that you were going to go across the street to make sure Mrs. Kilton had someone with her for Christmas? Why couldn’t you be selfish just for once and stay home just with us and forget the rest of the world?

Because you were perfect in every way shape and form. If I changed one thing about you I would have hated myself. You made me into the man I always wanted to be. You pulled our family together and made sure the seams were tightly sewn in case anyone ever had to leave it would be easy to draw them tighter. But why did it have to be you?  
……  
Hey daddy,  
It’s Theo. Dad is too upset to write anymore in here right now. I am glad we have this notebook most days but there are times that I wish he didn’t cling to it so hard. But without it I’m sure that he would be far worse. 

He doesn’t talk to us that often anymore… Well to be fair he just doesn’t talk that much at all anymore. He misses you terribly. I do too. I wish you were here singing your crazy Christmas songs. 

I want to tell you a secret. Sometimes I get mad at you that you’re gone. We were perfect then you left us. I have to remind myself that you didn’t mean to. You didn’t want to. Sometimes it is easier to be mad at you than to be sad.

Don’t hate me.

I love you Daddy. I’m going to go lay with Dad now. We miss you.  
….  
Daddy,  
I love you.  
I miss you.  
Come home.  
Sammy  
…..  
Well it is me again. I wish we could talk to each other as a family about this. But the only thing I have been able to do is hold them and tell them how much you loved them and how much I love them. 

I am going to try some of your advice you once gave me a long time ago, when I was starting to talk to you about my family. I am going to go tell them some stories of the good times we had. There were so many. Maybe that can start to take the place of the sadness.  
….  
Daddy,  
Dad just told us funny stories of when you were kids. I hope that I have fun times like that when I’m at Hogwarts. Just two more years then I will be able to go! But don’t worry I will come home for the Holidays. These two couldn’t handle missing my awesomness for that long. 

I think Dad is going to talk to us more now. He just spent the last two hours talking to us. I already had to lose you; I don’t want to lose him too. Talking will help us... I think. 

We opened the rest of the packages under the tree. We got so much cool stuff from everybody. It is going to take forever to write all the thank you notes! 

Love you. I hope you are having a good Christmas up in heaven.  
….  
Daddy,  
I still love you.  
….  
The children are nestled all snug in their beds. I hope visions of our family are dancing in their heads. We had a nice Christmas at the end of the day. 

We miss you terribly of course. Nothing will change that but I’m starting to realize that together we will make it through. No matter what we will never forget you and the lessons you taught us. Even Sammy. He is just five but he remembers so much. I will make sure he never forgets you. 

I love you Harry.  
-Draco


End file.
